Battles

Before I ever had children of my own, I had often heard other parents talk about "pick your battles" with your children. I wasn't really sure what all of this meant at the time, but since then Ryder has truly revealed the mysteries of battles, and I have certainly chosen the battles I feel are important to fight. From how to discipline, picky eating, potty training, time outs, spanking, saying unkind things, following directions, choosing what outfit or pajamas to wear, and just handling tantrums in general.

As I've mentioned before, lately I have been trying to reel Ryder back in from all of the changes that occured after Brynley was born and get back on track. Once I started staying home with him in September and he wasn't going to daycare on a daily basis, I noticed some regression in him. I think part of it was the adjustments of having a new baby sister to share the attention with, but I also think that he was used to having to be more independent at school and once he was staying home with me, I seemed to cater to him more. This was natural for me I guess, because I too was going through an adjustment phase of my own what with juggling a toddler and newborn, being in survival mode, and just figuring the stay-at-home thing out in general. I wanted to make sure I provided Ryder with the attention that he needed, while meeting all of Brynley's needs too, and just making sure that I was also doing all of the housework and duties that came along with being a stay at home mom. I was figuring how to tend to them both at the same time, and had to figure out what was too much or too little time, attention, structure and just making it all balance.

Before I knew it, Ryder was no longer capable of unbuttoning his pants and using the bathroom and washing his hands by himself, nor was he willing to eat the meals that I would give him to eat any longer. He was not staying in his own room to sleep each night, and he was having tantrums on a daily basis. My biggest fears were coming true and I needed to get a handle on things quick!

 Fast forward to present day, and we had quite a few battles on our hands. For starters, Ryder had grown accustomed to eating his meals at the living room coffe table rather than the kitchen table as a family. This started before I got pregnant with Brynley (shame on me..), and we got comfortable with eating in the livingroom and watching cartoons rather than sitting at the kitchen table. And to think I gaffed at the idea of not sitting at a formal table once! Never say never ha! This wasn't so much a problem, but the meals Ryder was starting to eat made me feel like he was getting pickier and pickier by the minute. At least while he was in daycare he would try different things because the children were provided a meal each day and there were not substitutions. I think Ryder also watched the other kids and so he naturally ate what they were eating. When he started staying home with me, I tried offering nutritious meals, but like many things, I just didn't have much patience or fight left in me going off of 2 hours of sleep!

I finally reached my breaking point one night after dealing with Ryder's tired and cranky tantrums, and refusing to eat noodles with marinara, something I knew he liked. I decided that since he wasn't taking naps anymore, another thing that changed from having him in daycare, that we needed to switch his bed time to an earlier time if he wasn't napping. Currently, he has to have quiet time for at least an hour, before he can get out of his room. Most days this isn't an issue, but we do have our battles where he refuses to stay upstairs or he hollers out of his room down to me about 50 times, requesting silly things just so he doesn't have to stay in his room. Each day I try to at least start him out in his room with the tv off, and tell him he needs to play toys, read books, or do puzzles. If he comes out, I always enforce it that he has to go back in his room, and if he asks for a snack I usually bring something small that he can have in his room. An earlier bedtime had helped tremendously and he's doing great sleeping in his big boy bed now too!

This is also when I decided to make his Big Boy Eating and Potty chart. I knew that he needed to at least try the meals I was making, after going to Chick Fil A and being embarrassed that he wouldn't even try a chicken nugget. What 3 year old doesn't love chicken nuggets from Chick Fil A?! Anyways, we are currently on week 2 of what I like to refer to as "Battle Week", and he has shown a lot of improvement. I knew going into this that it wouldn't be easy, but I feel much better knowing that he now at least has to try the meals we are eating, we are once again having dinner at the table as a family, and he is now potty trained completely at night now too. All it took was just having him wear underwear to bed rather than just giving him a pull up for the night and seeing that he could prove he was a big boy. I guess I just never thought to give him a chance at night because that was once again, a battle I wasn't ready to deal with after having a new baby at the time!

 I'm happy to say that since I've started "battling", Ryder does seem much happier (even requesting things like cantelope and trying vegetables), and I do believe that toddlers need barriers. They even strive when barriers are in place. I'm not saying I think they need to be perfect, but he gets a lot more time outs than I'd been giving him, and he seems to think twice before having a tantrum now. Three has been much harder than any other age, (other than losing sleep from a newborn baby), and I think the most frustrating issue is them wanting to extort their independence and me having to figure out just how much to let him have. I always ask Ryder what he went to time out for, and he always apologizes for the way he acted. I remind him that it makes Mommy and Daddy sad, as well as God, to see him act the way he does or say some of the mean things he can say.

I remember thinking "Look at my sweet one year old toddling about. We got through teething and sleepless nights so we can get through anything now" HA! If only I'd known it would get harder and that sweet toddling boy would say such ugly things. How could my sweet baby boy even think of such things like "I hate that" or "Go away Mommy" or when I walk in a room and he's mad at me "Go back in your room" "No YOU don't talk to me Mommy" and the list goes on. More than ever, I just pray each day for both of my children, and hope that they will learn both from the battles I fight for them, and from the love that I have to offer for them. And one day I'm sure I will look back on these moments and think HA! I would do anything to put Ryder or Brynley in time out rather than dealing with teenager attitudes and drama that goes along with it ha!